Lackadaisical Cogitations

…if i don’t know what I’m doing? I’m happy. 

I’m happy because no matter where I end up in my life, no matter what I become, I will have no enjoyment or passion in whatever I pursue if not for my love. For the love I have in myself which I carry with me everywhere I go. Even if I went to another universe I would not be able to escape myself, therefore I will always have love as long as I always truly love myself. I like where this English thing is taking me. Maybe I should study library sciences… I could be a librarian! I could even be an art teacher!

My friends and my family are so important to me that even if I die alone with a hedgehog named Maximillion, as long as I have those friends, I will still die thinking that my life was beautiful.

I will die blissfully as long as I love always.

I sit in a curled little ball on the edge of the futon, bellowing and giggling with Dan and Andrew watching Robyn and Brad tackle each other playfully while yelling out witty comebacks to each other… I think about how elated I am at that moment. I am genuinely happy. All of that love and great energy was filling that room and I was swimming in it. Just being there. I didn’t become envious of the couple’s love for each other, I was just happy. I loved being there. This is what true love is. It’s the love you feel for your closest friend(s) and for your family. It is the happiness that they share with you. It is rare to find, that is why it should never be taken lightly. Love is not an externally-obtainable object. You already have love, it is in yourself, you just need to recognize it and genuinely enjoy it before you can truly feel it. When you do feel it, you will never forget it. 

-Karina Von Voigt